At the Shelter (For Saturn)

Condescending smile
Devil-may-care strut
The hint of a child
Yet a mere mutt!

Fiendish lips twisted
In affected cruelty
Blue eyes suspended
In frozen vulnerability

She tossed her scanty mane
Perked her ravaged ear
Sniffed, unheeded she blew
Warmth into the cold air

"Love someone will ya", she
Whispered into a restrained soul
Slipped her back into her cage
Poured some treats into her bowl

There were things to do
Not much time to do them
But the smile lingered a while
To have gone just that much farther then

Wounds left scars
Neither could heal
But to begin a day thus
Was the best cut deal!

(c) VedicVerses

Saturn - The Dog that was almost ours!!

Gosh! What a coupla days!!! Here's the lovable little Siberian Husky, who's got the spirit of a pup inside an adult dog body!!!

She's found someone who will foster her!! And am so glad... losing her would have been criminal of me!

Here's to you gal! Hope our paths cross again :)

Don't Quit - anonymous?

Something I read on a Writer's network reminded me of a poem I had heard long ago called "Don't Quit". Its an inspirational piece and very uplifting at that. But when I researched it today, I was surprised to find that it is not universally accepted as a poem written by someone anonymous... wonder what the truth is...

Anyhow, I still love the poem today and wanted to post it to this blog so I never forget the words again. Enjoy!

Don't Quit

When things go wrong
As they sometimes will
And the road you're trudging
Seems all uphill
When the funds are low
And the debts are high
And you want to smile
But you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you
Down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!

Life is queer
With its twists and turns
As everyone of us
Sometimes learns
And many a failure
Turns about
When he might have won
Had he stuck it out
Don't give up
Though the pace seems slow
You may succeed
With another blow.

Often the goal is
Nearer than
It seems to a faint
And faltering man
Often the struggler
Has given up
When they might have captured
The Victor's Cup
And they learned too late
When the night came down
How close they were
To the golden crown.

Success is failure
Turned inside out
The silver tint
Of the clouds of doubt
And you can never tell
How close you are
It may be near
Though it seems so far
So stick to the fight
When you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst
That you musn't quit.

- Anonymous :)

Poem: Requiem

I could sing you
A melody
Blow softly
On your brow,
Whisper
A euphony
Nestle kisses
Sweet and slow;

Seduce you with
A ritornelle
Play mischief
With looks!
...and here in the
Citadel
Sing hymns
From the books.

You could sing me
A ballad
Then lie by my
Side,
Cradled, hear my
Lullaby
Float gently on
The night.

In this courtyard
Of cold memories
I've long learnt
To dread,
Weeping softly
By an elegy
I mourn a requiem
Instead.

** The picture is called "Contemplating" and was taken by Ashish Gorde who kindly lent it to me for posting to this blog. This poem was written for an exercise and inspired by this photograph.

Quotable Quotes :)

Here are some really nice pieces of quotes that became my friends over time :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Origin: The Lord of the Rings

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Owner: Brendan Gill (journalist)

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An ode to my love - No One to Come Home to

I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer hums
As I unwind

A bourgeois living
In a banal shell
A lifeless stirring
The soul's pell-mell

A vow thus broken
The tryst no more binds
A commonplace death
Of selfhood unconfined

Tender and effete
All but a slave
Just a tissue within
A withered enclave

A hollow now, where
A heart once dwelled
A lifeless stirring
And the soul's pell-mell

I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer turns
As I unwind

(c) VedicVerses

Fable - Third World and The Yokel

Success at last!!

After a gruelling three hours of disciplinary action against my creative block, here's the outcome :) Not much considering the effort it required, but hey, its a respectably decent beginning!


Once there was, this third world place
Of crowded streets, little food and many a face.

A software town - home of the wicked and wise,
Outsourced jobs et al - the kind the First World despised.

'Twas here she lived , an ambitious yokel
Protagonist, an atheist - star of this fable.

Prepped for a job, she joined the workforce
Of a start-up firm - IT services of course!

And so her quest began; project-on-site her goal
Equivalent to, a frenzied spell at her console.

She IMed and worked, and then IMed some more.
Volunteered, networked, made friends galore.

Even then found the time to pine and to yearn
For all things in the First World she was yet to learn.

Finally, a smiling Karma and six months after
Found our yokel headed for the good 'ol Nor'Easter.

With arms wide open, for long the West had beckoned
Yet the charm wore out, sooner than she had reckoned!

Amidst cooking fumes and curries of lunch for the morrow
Our yokel pined again for her old home in sorrow.

N'er a happy ending is there to this tale
For the heart wants what it wants, regardless of locale!

Viva Globalization!

(c) VedicVerses

Disclaimer...

All the prose entries made in the past few months on this blog are the result of the decay of the creative 1/100th portion of my brain. It is in no way a representation of how writers write nor how poets poet and certainly should not reflect badly on the people in my life and their effect on me! :)

While we're on the subject, I might add - I usually write well when I am depressed or angry with the world!!! As cheesy as this may sound, Harshad keeps me too content for my creative energies to exist at all. I blame Harshad :D His actions have now deprived this world of the hope of a great artist-in-the-becoming!

Hallow'en

Thud! Thud! Trik or treeeeet... trik or treeeeeet!!

If any of this was meant to scare me let me explain what my response was... I tried to stop stuffing my face and jumped over the sofa arm and grabbed the candy basket all at once and all in such a rush because I was afraid - afraid that the little monsters will pass by my door on the 24th floor and not stop for all the candy I had prepared! :)

Ah! Hallow'en... all the Enid Blytonesque fancies coming alive... for my first Hallow'en as a respectable US resident. (My first one in Buffalo doesn't count cos I was just a poor student, living in student dwellings in a street where only students lived and Hallow'en celebration was all about getting drunk and hitting on scantily clad women on the college bus. I didn't live in a dorm, so I was spared the cultural shock of "experimentation" of American college youth! :) ) So well, an apartment poses a challenge to the creative mind or to a mind with the lack thereof. How does one decorate the only piece of your dwelling that strangers passing by will see... the door? You can't quite decorate the threshold without someone tripping over it and causing a fire in the narrow and well lit hallway - as Murphy watching over the person's progress will ensure! But one must do one's duty as a respectable apartment resident and not cause fires. So yes, that leaves only the door then.

Hm.

~Scratch Scratch~ (that was my head)

Oh well, d-uh! New-age technology means I have access to a printer! And borrowing other people's graphic ideas off of the web is no trouble at all - except for the very small pinch of guilt. So that's what I did... I printed all the images I could find and fit on my door, cut them out of the sheets of paper and pasted them on my door! Novel, isn't it :)

Well, what can I say... it worked!

It being Diwali and all that, I decided I had to do up the room a little bit too... So I dimmed the lights, put some tea-lights in the window sill in mismatched tea-light holders, put one in a special Hallow'en lantern that I bought on my way back from work, and put that and a little scarecrow figurine on a stool covered with a red pillow-cover right by the threshold, enough distance away from the door that I could open it all the way and share the display with the trick-or-treaters! Honestly, I just wanted to show off the view from my apartment in a subtle and indirect way. I tried everything except road construction signs to point in the direction of our little bay window (by whose window-sill stood the mismatched tea-light holders!!)

...but the first kid to stop by the door called my bluff. He crossed the threshold and peered at the lumbering view of the downtown, grabbed a handful of candy and wandered into the kitchen area to sniff out some more!Avarice in its purest and most innocent form!! Soon more little fairies blessed our home. Little angels grabbed and stared with mouths open at the big candy basket. Calculating little twerps, doing the simple logistical math and running route-tracking algorithms in their cute little heads - "hmm... it takes five minutes to go back home and empty my basket, five minutes plus two to get to the next door... but wait, mamma's expression says she won't be too happy; ok so I can grab about two fistfuls, still have room for two more at the next door and..." on and on, experiencing heady green monster of an emotion for the first time - we all live it but are too superficial to admit it- greed! Little boys , little girls - (fairies, bumble-bees, the beagle boys, lady bugs, ballerinas) staring at the wrapped splendour in red, green, yellow shining paper...

How did I profit from this endeavour? Well, I got a free valuation of my property from the best critics of course!

(c) VedicVerses

Meanderings...

its been a while... yes once again... just wanted to pen (key!) something in...

This month on the 26th, it will be five months into a new phase of life. Can hardly believe it! Things HAVE changed, that's certain. But as usual, not in absolute terms... not in black or white... mostly in pastels... but yeah, admittedly some parts of grey as well. What I mean is, its wonderful to have found a soulmate... but a little unfortunate to have lost a little bit of my individuality. Not of course, because of the soulmate, but instead because of life itself!

I guess that is the outcome generally of moving into a different phase... or a different place?

This change of phase, also brought about a change in lifestyle, not entirely the result of marriage, but mostly as a result of changing geographies. Home is what the heart makes of it. I still feel a little uncomfortable in my shoes sometimes because of the all or nothing state of things.

I'm not doing a good job of explaining, am I?

I guess what I am trying to say is, would it have taken so long to create a new world of activities for us and for me, had we been in India? What makes it difficult to do out here in the US? Hopefully, that question is answered by mobility, and yet, I'm not so sure it will be. I mean, we live in the most happening of all places, don't we? Nothing is supposed to compare to New York, right? Well, I am beginning to feel a little differently... perhaps, Pune is more happening to me, simply because my roots are in India...

Oh well, to be perfectly honest, I'd never be quite so "comfortable in my own boots" no matter where I was... I seem to be stricken with an ever present sense of Wanderlust...

Wanderlust, where will you take me next???

The addiction of being alone

She beckons
Beguiles
Embraces
And smiles.

Her wicked
Breaks homes
Binds you
To her rooms.

An addiction
She is
Independence?
Hah! you wish!

When You abandon,
She calls
Traps me
In her squalls.

Then one day
You weren't there
She spied me out
But I ran away.

Waking
I realize
You're still here
By my side.

But how long
Before
The lonely temptress
Will score?

(c) VedicVerses

The betrayal

I waited
How long
I don't recall.
But time flew
And weariness
grew.

Along came
The one
I waited for .
Eyes red, forlorn
Countenance
worne.

Bit my tongue
As tales flew
Ragged.
Sputtering and jerky,
A heart emptied of fears.
Sordid. Murky.

Felt I both
Betrayal and pity
And I watched.
The drunken stupor
Of a forgotten friend
From before.

A voice lamented.
Begged and urged
"Fight on!"
But tempted by such intimacy
I proved once again
My fallacy.

(c) VedicVerses

The Sensitive Skill

The difference between
Me and him
He's wise yet I
Am wiser still.
Not in the way
The laureates are
Simpler
In a village way by far.

His might herculean
His mind so swift,
Achilles, Alexander, Arjun-like his skill.
He knows not though
Neither reached the heights
A dear father achieved
To endure my sullen whims.

I know he's as deep
As his heritage allows...
Not deep perhaps
Like the ocean of my love;
Yet a wholesome smile
At my warm but uncooked rice
Would've made him king
Earned him the land of my soul.

(c) VedicVerses

A life just begun

Here I was
The end of a phase of a beginning
Scribbling words, mundane.

My feelings, hmmmm...
Let me analyse them
And have it done.

Putting quill to paper
Or fingers to keys,
Stalling, procrastinating.

Ah! need to fetch
Such and such
The larder needs stocking.

Stop! get back!
Back to inking
Precious thoughts of past days.

Paralyzed mind
Furtively worked to get out of the "chore"
In a million ways.

Let me feel!
Let me deal!
Let this seem unreal!
Let it be a dream!
Screamed... My mind
- in defense of an innocent life just begun.

(c) VedicVerses

Absent Love

Absent Love

Took the world in,
Through naked eyes,
But my own veiled truth
Never realized.

Dirt and shame grow,
From root to tree,
And so an absent love
Begins with me.

Too shallow to care,
Too selfish to know,
That I reap the fruits
Of the seeds I sow.

But for forgiveness and mercy
Stirring all around,
I had it not in me
To stand my ground.

I cannot run,
And I can't hide.
But I can rise above
This darkness inside.

I can't run
But I can fly!
I'll take my chances
With the unknown sky.

The whirling wind
May bring a friend,
But my loneliness
I must defend.

For I am at ease
With an absent love,
With it I'll make
My home above...

(c) VedicVerses

Bend of Mind

Alrightey!!!!

Thought it was high time I got back to writing a little bit... Not been doing much really, except lazing around and enjoying the time spent this-a-way, cos its going to be a while before I really have a decent excuse to be lazy ;) Marriage is a perfectly justifiable one, but I can only stretch it so long :D

I'm suffering a serious case of writer's block at the moment, and find it therapeutic (creativity enhancing wise) to flip through some old poems written over the years... Been flipping and found a couple that seemed worth posting. Here's one called "Bend of Mind" - an apt description of what is decidedly the most complex and intriguing creature I ever met... the mind!

Bend of Mind

Curious bend of mind, mine.

Unorthodox in its constructions
Of a life whose loveliness is alive,
Yet:
Beautiful visions it distorts
In its own malicious way.
Fury and peace -
Can they mingle?
Oil and water like the combination.
But in my mind these unnatural siblings play
Heedless of their non-conformity.

Scary bend of mind, mine.

It reads like a picture - a work of modern art;
Stark and shocking patterns, but innocent in theme?
Hate, envy and their likes it loathes,
And yet
A boiling cauldron of these
simmers within.
Hate for what? - Life and all it stands for.
Culture, upbringing,
Parents, friends and lovers.
Yet so furiously attached to them it is.

Twisted bend of mind, mine.

Love it feels:
Frothing, bubbling,
Nubile, stinging.
Experiences left stains and dirty patches.
Confused, dazed
Vamp-like in its viciousness
Child-like in its guilt.
Helpless and smiling
All at once.

A curious store of thoughts,
This ticking time-bomb
This land-mine.

(c) VedicVerses

High time for some pearls of wisdom from a newbie at marriage ;)

alright, alright... so a completely out-of-job script writer might try and pen a script out of this plot and make either a tear-jerker a la yash raj films, or a mundane "i-can't-for-the-life-of-me-understand-it" artsy movie. but my life immediately after marriage was in character... unconventional, free-flowing and an interesting journey. well, yeah, of course, for the most part for me!

well, since this blog is about me... i might as well go ahead and indulge myself, what say?? :)

so this particular story (of my marriage) begins with harshad calling me while i was on my bike, in the middle of mundane errands related to transitioning off from one job into another. so he goes "the consular officer has left my case pending, she suggested i get married to my girlfriend and bring her back for the interview, so we can both get our green cards together".

THAT - folks - was my marriage proposal!

well, of course, one has to be practical and so i said "could you let me park and get inside a cafe before running that by me again?" doing the right thing meant for the moment putting my confused head on a hold and letting my parents and harshad take over. believe you me, that was the most difficult and the most sensible decision i've ever made in my entire life!

its funny, somewhere along the way, so many things happened and changed my perspective on life, i'd quite forgotten what was my idea of perfect proposal, perfect soulmate and perfect marriage. yeah, i remember vaguely being strongly against the traditional hindu ritual of marriage and wanted to go for a chauvinism-free registered marriage. but that of course, couldn't happen in a day. (yep, we got married the next day after harshad proposed!) but honestly, i know i'm going to strut about my marriage for the rest of my life. this has been way beyond my dreams and my wishes - and for my life and how i want it to be, i can't think of any other way that i could possibly have married.

can't say i was reeling in love then - for the most part i was just confused as hell. but i guess it says a lot about harshad, if i went through it all without the remotest sense of panic and with complete faith in all that was going on around us. i mean yeah, i knew i hadn't thought it over, but i didn't have the stereotypical nagging feeling at the back of my head wondering if this was the right thing to do etc. there was just one sense of "ok gal, you gotta take some time out soon and think about all this and dounble-check that this is what you want". and that was pretty simple.

for the next few days, i'm just going to blog about stuff like this... cos there's so many little things that have happened over the last 15 days, that i simply must record. for honestly, after all this time and optimism and faith in myself, i've realised that every moment in time that i have called on myself to be patient, harshad has been worth the wait...

~harshad if you're reading this, STOP GRINNING! and DO NOT let it go to your head! :P ~

RucHarshad

... welcome to my crazy world! Glad to have ya in it...

(c) VedicVerses

Harshad and I

Here's the little devil and me! We've finally decided to tie the knot and torture each other's existence till death do us apart! Glad to have ya in my life, but beware dude! This ain't going to be a smooth ride ~gives an evil laugh~ ...

:)

(c) VedicVerses

Ironic is her inferiority!

At home and yet not at peace was how I found myself this weekend. Not one to question reasons for my singlehood, my family is nevertheless a part of a circle which contiuously does... subtly and not-so-subtly. A well-wishing Aunt asked to speak with me, and I was touched. I was home after four months, y'see, and extremely prone to sentimentality as a result. I expected the usual "how's your job? how is life?" type of questions, but instead was faced with a blatant breach of that unspoken understanding, that my life was not up for discussion. So she riled me about getting older and that it would be too late later on to marry and get on with life - meaning giving birth to hopefully a name-bearer, no doubt! Now I've known Aunty for years, and have a soft spot for her as I always seem to have for elders who show even the smallest concern for my well-being. So was trapped between extreme anger at being thus interrogated, and feeling remorse that I was indeed from a small town where the be all and end all of the existence of those that I cared about was essentially "a girl should marry and get "settled" in life".

The strangest thing though is this.. till date I had been spared of such direct questioning of my single woman status! And I honestly believed that I would always get away with it, because somehow I was different!

How many decades ago was it that the liberation of womenkind began? How many trends have come and gone, to be ultimately replaced by "Tulsis" on the silver-screen?

I mean there is normalcy y'know to my existence as well... I do regret not having found my soul-mate, or having found and lost them several times and swallowing the stark reality that love is not necessarily an eternal emotion... I clinch at the thought of growing up and growing out of my child-like fantasies of romance... There's enough of that pain in my life. And a dear Aunt came along to remind me of yet another pragmatic truth.... that I was getting old, and fast, without having achieved anything - neither career-wise nor on the personal front!

Oh well, its times like these that poetry comes to the rescue I guess :) Found an old notebook that I had penned down some verses in... Penned another in it, and decided to post 'em all together on today's post.

Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I began with good intent

We all begin with good intent,
And so the man was born!
My mind it sowed the seed of love
In a land more fertile than bone...

A man I sought - I thought, I felt
A man I screamed to need,
Groaning, I soaked all his love
Alongwith that his weed.

A barren man, my eyes perceive
Barren, barren is my soul.
Emptied of, that something - coarser than lust
Coarser and completely unwhole!

I began with good intent
I began well indeed
I had a man, licked off the scraps
And lost a friend to need.

Perplexed I waited
For the friend to rise again
A Phoenix from the ashes of damnation -
Here ends my tale, for I'm waiting still
A witness to my own condemnation.

The man, the friend
Long gone, hearty and well-faring:
Laughing, looking on as I became
A victim of my own ensnaring.

(c) VedicVerses

Dedicated to a friend without whom I would have never woken up to face the realities of life and love. Thank you!

The irony of her inferiority

The woman, she is a good mason.
Skillful masonry enshrouds her
Yet, she leaves a key-hole open
To help man's perspective cripple her.

The woman, she is a good hawker.
She knows her wares so well:
Yet the man beats her in salesmanship
For all her communication, she cannot sell!

The woman, she's a good diplomat
She learnt tact the hard way:
Yet the man's unscrupulous wit
Beats her in politics everyday.

The woman, she is a good artist
Sensual, sentimental et al:
But the man can sell better copy
At the cost of the woman's downfall!

The woman, she is divinity
All goodness and beauty within:
But reigns Supreme does the man,
For he has not her conscience for a sin!

(c) VedicVerses

Random pieces of my work

Thoughts

We all sit
In this crowded place
Each mind travels
To places afar.
My mind draws a blank
No creation here
Yet its quiet belies
Perplexity and chaos.

Where do you want
to be, free thought?
What do you think
your thoughts should be?
Wondering, wandering
Such painful emptiness
Yet revelling are thee?

Patience and adaptation
Long lost friends
Where do I find you?
Why must I find you?

Adolescent Heart

A squirrel in my heart
Scurries up and then down
Never a sign does it show
Of a smile nor a frown.

It goes about, collects love
Like acorns in summer,
Yet knows that love is like a bubbly
Unscrew and the fizz always dies by winter.

But this squirrel of a heart
In its scurrying, found a friend or two
The fizz was gone thats the honest truth
But come winter, she hoped love would burst anew.

(c) VedicVerses

Sign of the times

A very beautiful piece of theory came my way recently - called "The Stockdale Paradox". Mr. Collins spoke of it in his book "Good to Great"... After a bout of my usual cribbing, a sympathetic friend sent me a link to a fellow blogger's page, which I will be so rude as to post the link to in mine...

http://bnoopy.typepad.com/bnoopy/2005/01/startups_and_th.html

Could not come up with an appropriately topical poem. Here's the best I could think to post. Hope you enjoy it...

Sign of the times

Earth's colors are far too many
Zest and energy, yet slow and calm.
Heart and soul here mingle as one really
Yours and mine is one and nothing - the psalm.

Call of the wild, of the untamed instinct
Dare devilry? No! a plain struggle to survive;
Zealous like the wind blowing strong in my face is
The power that keeps Man alive.

Yet, gone are the days of such oneness with the wild
Zanny clothes and discos replace original sin.
So lost in an artificial world
So far from ourselves
Xeroxes of every ideology thats "in"!

Zooming sportscars replace the agile horse
Movies replace vistas and views,
Aren't many the times when one feels the guilt? Yet,
A popular mix of sin and transgression we choose.

Undoing is far too tough to be done,
Doing is easy, things that need to be undone.
Praise those few originals, shall we? Having done -
Replace our own ethics by those we see!

Zebra patterns of black and white there are not
Pachydermous greys must loom large all around;
And yet,
Xeroxes of pretty young things, I spot!

(c) VedicVerses

Les Femmes Fatales!

Often have I, blamed fate for being born in the wrong gender!!!!! I mean I haven't your usual girlish qualities at all you know... Not coy, foot-in-mouth most of the time... say the first thing that comes to mind - completely naive and tactless.. And then as I catch myself thinking and over-analyzing I go "Eureka! There it is! My womanly quality comes to life after all!!"

Its true... we're complicated - us womankind. Often we're the wet blanket too am sure... especially when our "better" halves dream up all these fantastic machismo ideas of fun!!! I know I do it.. and my sister and Ma are guilty of this particular "crime" quite often as well :)

But hey! in our defense, when even as thirty-somethings, when the guys want to snuggle with their little blankies and be molly-coddled, we're the ones who keep a straight face, and offer warm milk and coaxing words as needed, don't we???? So what're you complaining about??? LOL!!

The kind of women I've been around and loved having around - have always been very very special. At once, grounded and lofty, poignant and child-like... and perpetually sweet natured, spirited and never cruel... how could I then not revel in the gift that life has thus granted me? I cherish this gift... I LOVE BEING A WOMAN!


Me and Dog :)

(c) VedicVerses

Murphy's Law!

...just when you thought things couldn't get any worse.... they did! :)

Was going to be poetic about good 'ol Murphy... but was invited instead to watch a friend's brother's wedding ode to his wife! The guy's creative if anything!! That certainly brought a huge smile to my face early this morning :)

Here's what I feel like today -->

The Reluctant Rebel

A rebel
I didn't want to be
But there it was, the path
All laid out for me.

Just wanted
To scamper and play
Instead I must bear
The burden of war this day.

I stepped out
With my heart full of love
And my little feet
In the 9th cloud above.

Alas, as I turned
The corner, was I
Accosted by an ugly idea
And an intolerable lie.

So you see, I sought not
Rebellion this day,
But "Rebel" the role,
Fate cut out for me to play.

(c) VedicVerses

Vanity is fair...

Beauty

Arched eyebrows,
Pale face,
Gaunt and pulled to the bone.
Irregular features
But serene and calm
And fairy-like
In her sorrow.

Ethereal and beyond
She looked the picture of the protagonist
of her unspoken fantasies.
Her smile so warm
And stunning in its expression
Of absent emotions.

The irony of life
With its "everything
And nothing"
Seemed to tease
Her lips
Into a half-smile.

Eyes glistening
Yet not a single tear-drop
Fell.
The abandonment of
Her gait - her every movement
Proved that anything
beautiful
Must come at a high price.

Perchance
My eyes fell
On her:
And startled
I heard
The mirror crack.

(c) VedicVerses

Some disturbing lines....Part I

Sometimes one has very disturbing thoughts... disturbing moments, confusion rules heavily in phases... that's sometimes when one paints violent pictures with simple words...

Here are a few attempts at that: Part I

Shhh! That's my dream...

Silence is the gist in my dream
Commotion cannot fit in my dream
Noises cannot touch my sweet dream
Voices? There's nothing like it in my dream
Soundless and still it may seem
But I'm moving to a rhythm like you've never seen.
That's my dream.

Running away from reality
Burning away is this pain within me.

Loneliness seems a part of my dream
But its the essence not a part like it seems
That's my dream.

Sweet love don't try to step in
You'll be burnt to a cinder from the fury within.

Darkness cannot touch this dream
Whirlwind of emotion is my dream
Sunlight ain't there, though its bright
Rainbows don't exist, though there's light
That's my dream.

Scared from the frightening thunders outside
In a shell, safe and sheltered I hide
That's my dream.

Confusion if exists, I've my dream
Agony if persists, I've my dream
Dry from the showers of this world
My dream holds close a frightened little girl.
That's my dream.

Do you understand my dream?
Do you hear the silent scream?
Of the wordless song in my dream?

Shhh! That's my dream...

(c) VedicVerses

I'm Scared...

I'm scared.
Of fog-horns
And silent screams,
Of soothing mists
And flowing streams.

I'm scared.
Of reality
Not so sublime
Pragmatism
And everything Divine.

I'm scared.
Of Frailty
And uncommon strength
Of doing things too straight
Or by stealth.

I'm scared.
Of flower-gardens
And hell fires
Of stagnant feelings
And furious desires.

I'm scared.
Of innocent love
And guilty passions
Of obstinance
And mute submission.

I'm scared.
Of dreamy smiles
And volcanic tears
Of thrashing about
From all my fears.

I'm scared.
Of gaining droplets
And losing seas
Of searching myself
And losing me.

(c) VedicVerses

The Effigy: Ever feel like the cross was too heavy to bear???

Hmm... trouble is a kid is never content when life drags by... well at least this one isn't! :) Waiting and watching and waiting and watching... Yeah, it lulls me to a sleepy, lackadaisical state of mind. I just hope am not missing out on any lessons just cos I'm too bored with things going wrong, that I don't care to sit up and notice them! :)

I feel now like my soul's a free bird up in the air watching the chaos of my life with a sardonic eye...

Here's one for the day.. it was published once long ago in a literary journal called "The Quest"...

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The Effigy

All the roads home are blocked,
They are burning an effigy.
A closer look and I see
An effigy of me.

Its burning up in flames
(Am I burning up inside?)
So many ready matches strike the light
The effigy is of me alright!

I cared for you so much
I guess you couldn't tell;
I turn to ashes as you watch
The effigy burn in flames of hell.

Her hand didn't play a part
In lighting the flame I became
But perhaps she was the sculptress
And created the effigy out of shame.

All the roads home are blocked
They are burning an effigy,
I need no closer look
I know the effigy is of me.

© VedicVerses

Don't dream its over...

Loved this song by "Sixpence None The Richer"... needed it today, thought I would share.....

----------------------------------------

Don't dream its over

There is freedom within, there is freedom without

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost

But you'll never see the end of the road

While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof

My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof

In the paper today tales of war and of waste

But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum

And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart

Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof

Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

Don't ever let them win

Love...

Years before I wouldn't have dreamt of doubting my ability to have crushes and falling in and out of love... The world then seemed to be filled with "Tom Cruises" waiting to be discovered :)

But there's something about being 26 and managing self-earned money, time, parents, friends and lovers that kills something of that naivete inside. Life right now seems to be full of uphill climbs trying to please people...Where's that little kid who kept asking everyone to go fly a kite and didn't care? Maybe she realised that she did care, but caring never seemed to be enough. Regardless of the receiver of that caring, it had to be unconditional, blindly loyal, constantly smiling despite circumstances and situations, devoid of self-hurt and retribution and much too much daunting than she had realized...

Well here's to the young lover of yester-years...

-

Once before...

A young lover sings a lover’s song
As quaint as mine was once before

Finally a lover, life made me
Not as young as I’d like to be
Nor as quaint as once before.

Years, they took the youth away
Years, they mocked me to grey
Something cold, blew the days
Over this heart I knew, once before.

My love sees just the good
Sees a child, that once stood
In my stead, long ago, once before.

My love sees not the hard stone
But hopeful eyes from once before.

© VedicVerses

What am I? The Frustration Sponge??

Funny thing about an "open" corporate environment is that the 360 degrees feedback loop brings with it a 360 degree level of exposure to people's personal frustrations! Doesn't help that you're the worst piece of frustrated corporate rat-racer yourself, but you've got to "understand" everyone else's frustration, cos the people who care about you think you can! Gosh! I never thought being an independant woman-of-the-world was going to be so crappy!!!!

Oh and of course my conditioning will be bent to impose upon me "fair" thoughts of "I have it better than so many others"!!!! Geez! Sometimes I just want to "earth" some thoughts right into the ground where they belong anyway!

So did I fail? I'm a supposed people person, a lover of all beings, unbiased and compassionate... and yet I failed! Didn't I? AAAAAAAAAah! This had better be a lesson in life I don't ever have to re-learn!

Well, here's an addition to my diminishing list of poems as yet unpublished on this blog....

Marriage

Like any pair
Married too young,
This awkward knot
Was tied and begun.

Questions poured,
What pleases, makes content
An unhappy love's heart
When every action was well meant?

What irked and
Brought on the ire?
To have them thus displeased
What was it that transpired?

These questions will burn
As they do for anyone,
Who married too young
Hoping to love someone.

They will disappoint
And the heart will wonder why
Of all the knots in the world
Just this one it did tie!

And yet inescapable
This journey is, it knows
As lesser of all evils
Is the one it chose.

Such is my marriage
In my awkward heart, a gulf.
Yet so curious it is
For I'm only married to myself!

© VedicVerses