Monday, January 24, 2005
Sunday, January 23, 2005
But there's something about being 26 and managing self-earned money, time, parents, friends and lovers that kills something of that naivete inside. Life right now seems to be full of uphill climbs trying to please people...Where's that little kid who kept asking everyone to go fly a kite and didn't care? Maybe she realised that she did care, but caring never seemed to be enough. Regardless of the receiver of that caring, it had to be unconditional, blindly loyal, constantly smiling despite circumstances and situations, devoid of self-hurt and retribution and much too much daunting than she had realized...
Well here's to the young lover of yester-years...
A young lover sings a lover’s song
As quaint as mine was once before
Finally a lover, life made me
Not as young as I’d like to be
Nor as quaint as once before.
Years, they took the youth away
Years, they mocked me to grey
Something cold, blew the days
Over this heart I knew, once before.
My love sees just the good
Sees a child, that once stood
In my stead, long ago, once before.
My love sees not the hard stone
But hopeful eyes from once before.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Funny thing about an "open" corporate environment is that the 360 degrees feedback loop brings with it a 360 degree level of exposure to people's personal frustrations! Doesn't help that you're the worst piece of frustrated corporate rat-racer yourself, but you've got to "understand" everyone else's frustration, cos the people who care about you think you can! Gosh! I never thought being an independant woman-of-the-world was going to be so crappy!!!!
Oh and of course my conditioning will be bent to impose upon me "fair" thoughts of "I have it better than so many others"!!!! Geez! Sometimes I just want to "earth" some thoughts right into the ground where they belong anyway!
So did I fail? I'm a supposed people person, a lover of all beings, unbiased and compassionate... and yet I failed! Didn't I? AAAAAAAAAah! This had better be a lesson in life I don't ever have to re-learn!
Well, here's an addition to my diminishing list of poems as yet unpublished on this blog....
Like any pair
Married too young,
This awkward knot
Was tied and begun.
What pleases, makes content
An unhappy love's heart
When every action was well meant?
What irked and
Brought on the ire?
To have them thus displeased
What was it that transpired?
These questions will burn
As they do for anyone,
Who married too young
Hoping to love someone.
They will disappoint
And the heart will wonder why
Of all the knots in the world
Just this one it did tie!
And yet inescapable
This journey is, it knows
As lesser of all evils
Is the one it chose.
Such is my marriage
In my awkward heart, a gulf.
Yet so curious it is
For I'm only married to myself!
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
One of those days, when I need to get messages across and am getting killed over trying to be politically correct. So why can we not just say what we want and accept that there maybe more than just the narrator's perspective to any story... Why are we so bound? Argh! Some friends will sound like a dear mother once did, when bringing you up! Well, it pays to listen to them I assure you, but it sucks big time to have to!
Oh well and the message was across... not so politically correct, not without a few ruffled feathers... and today, just for today, it doesn't feel so bad :). I know things won't stay that way, I know there's a price to pay, I know there'll be a few scars... but for today : Here I am, this is me! An Arab horse galloping till my heart will just burst! Riding the wind! With my mane flowing, and my eyes on fire! :) Reckless and wild.... just heading for a scar..
Sometimes you wish upon a star,
And bring yourself to where you are -
Seek comfort in your own fenced in life
No more dreaming of paradise.
Yet some promises your old self still makes,
Within a day those it promptly breaks;
Yet couldn't have known before the time
When from responsibilities, you so unceremoniously decline.
Forgive me dear friend, this is who I am
I am a pearl comfortable in my clam.
A pearl like you, in a clam like yours
Just as afraid of any further scars.
Forgive me, this is what life is for
To hurt and be hurt, without a scar.
Monday, January 10, 2005
And so we work hard... we know we want "companionship", but compromise at a certain age is quite difficult to do. And in our prude little countryside, companionship can only equal something as impractical as an "eternal relationship"!! Anyone watch Vaada? The very fact that a supposedly brilliant mind like Amisha Patel (gold medallist in economics I believe she is??) can even utter an incongruent line like "I hope I am married to you for the rest of my 7 lives" is not really about playing a part well, could it be? It seems like its just incongruencies like that in our society and the changes we face today in a "globalising" world... and no room or provisions made in our societal setup to fit these and assimilate these incongruencies and change it to a more harmonious whole - maybe that's the key.
K... I could go on blahing about this stuff.. but just wanted to talk about a dear friend of mine very quickly.. i got this bamboo shoot for my birthday from her, i'd wanted one for soooooooooooooo long!!!! We've had our highs and lows in life, but well we really love each other too... she asked me to call this bamboo shoot "rini" - indebted for whatever love I had to offer the helpless little green life ... and its true, such undemanding and easy-to-please companions are so hard to find! Well, so dear friend Rini is now an inseperable part of my life :) starting this new year!
Here's a poem for the day, aptly called "Companion" ;) -->
His eyes commit treason
With every glance he steals,
Betraying the warm secrets of his heart...
Eyebrows twitching, traveling eyes -
Taking in every detail, this spy satellite!
Without a single movement of his head.
Hair cropped short, like a distinguished army man.
Ears alert like a black commando with a gun!
Though lean he wears
His clothes to advantage:
Impressing a dangerous creature
Lurking the depths of his sinews.
But for his button-nose
He might've looked severe,
What a runny nose too!He's a constant sniveler!
In the cold corners of the night,
I snuggle up to my companion;
The four-legged creature
Aptly called man's best friend!