the child in you
trusting, gentle, free
my wee love
asks so little of me
pounces, dances
stalks me patiently
playtime, mealtime
time as family
you've your life planned
around such little that is still
minutes, hours, days
you bend life to your very will
wrap your world within
that which you see by the sill
you've nothing and yet
with nothing you cavil
to be at peace perhaps
is not so big a feat
your valor lies indeed
in being the only heart
with room for all i can give
(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Poem: A walk in the park
Running out of things to do, I finally decided we’d be like Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts in Notting Hill and take a walk in the park. With him reading and me finally sitting down to do some writing.
Here’s the thing about Harshad and I – we were both mavericks when we were young. Unintentionally walking off the beaten track, we were both pretty cool in our school/college years. Still our bringing up was a la the Maharashtrian middle class, our values typical Kobra. As all well brought up gals and guys do in this niche of society, we married well and lived happily ever after.
Happily ever after is what we make of it. For the first time in some time, I’m stumped. I don’t know what to aim for, where next to take this happily ever after. Just the present ain’t bad – we’re sitting here, in a little peninsula of a park, overlooking the Hudson river and Liberty State Park. Better than any place I could’ve ever visualized myself in. But what’s the next place I want to be in? Dunno yet, still struggling with it.
One place I know I do not want to live in is this anxious place I’ve grown accustomed to. Always pushing myself to get elsewhere, to some place “nicer”, some place other than the present. Afraid of the “permanent”. Since I started making my own living, I’ve tasted avarice like never before. Constantly buying clothes, foods, gadgets – and then just as quickly getting tired of them, throwing them away. Never comfortable in my own shoes. That has got to stop.
And so I made a change today – I decided it was time for a walk in the park. For the both of us. Between him worrying about a nest-egg for forty years later, and me worrying that the second bedroom is too small for when my parents come visiting, we weren’t doing ourselves any good. The current present – him reading his book, me looking out at the water and pretending to be a serious writer – this is a good place to be, even if only for the next few moments.
A walk in the park
There’s that man sailing, strutting his skills on the water
And those four old spires of Ellis Island, faking the elegance of a Taj Mahal
There’s Lady Liberty and the old Jersey Train Terminal
Manhattan, Brooklyn all ending right here
At l’il ‘ol Paulus Hook
A gentle breeze, warm and cooling blows in my face softly
And I think, yes this is the life I thought I’d live, but never visualized…
I’m a big believer in visions
Was it Stephen Covey that said
You are what you envision,
What you aim for
Is what you become?
Maybe it was Lee Iacocca…
Either ways, I’m a big believer
And yet, this is not a place I could’ve imagined for myself
Or given myself credit for
Not that it is to my credit that I live here -
One of life’s surprising rewards
For just... living it
One reads of such things
One dreams of living in a place that has a name
But no face
And then life takes you there
And you wonder, if you had envisioned this
Where then would you be today?
Is life meant to be lived contentedly?
The very possibility makes me feel like a guilty child;
Compulsive avarice for living as much as I can
Has overtaken me -
As if I were terminally ill
But then, if I sleep tonight, will I really wake up in the morning?
Aai, you set me on this path of aspirations
I know you did not intend to make it my addiction
But there it is, I am addicted to moving on
Living my life as if I were caught up in a storm
And flapping my hands wildly about
Was the only means to survival
Y’know, one day I found that I couldn’t run anymore -
My legs could carry on, but my lungs would forget to breathe
Until I stopped to think about it
And voila, I could run again
Is that what I need to do with my life?
Just remember to keep breathing?
Just remember to take a walk in the park?
And enjoy a smug smile privately
For another bright vision I had had
That brought me here?
(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)
Here’s the thing about Harshad and I – we were both mavericks when we were young. Unintentionally walking off the beaten track, we were both pretty cool in our school/college years. Still our bringing up was a la the Maharashtrian middle class, our values typical Kobra. As all well brought up gals and guys do in this niche of society, we married well and lived happily ever after.
Happily ever after is what we make of it. For the first time in some time, I’m stumped. I don’t know what to aim for, where next to take this happily ever after. Just the present ain’t bad – we’re sitting here, in a little peninsula of a park, overlooking the Hudson river and Liberty State Park. Better than any place I could’ve ever visualized myself in. But what’s the next place I want to be in? Dunno yet, still struggling with it.
One place I know I do not want to live in is this anxious place I’ve grown accustomed to. Always pushing myself to get elsewhere, to some place “nicer”, some place other than the present. Afraid of the “permanent”. Since I started making my own living, I’ve tasted avarice like never before. Constantly buying clothes, foods, gadgets – and then just as quickly getting tired of them, throwing them away. Never comfortable in my own shoes. That has got to stop.
And so I made a change today – I decided it was time for a walk in the park. For the both of us. Between him worrying about a nest-egg for forty years later, and me worrying that the second bedroom is too small for when my parents come visiting, we weren’t doing ourselves any good. The current present – him reading his book, me looking out at the water and pretending to be a serious writer – this is a good place to be, even if only for the next few moments.
A walk in the park
There’s that man sailing, strutting his skills on the water
And those four old spires of Ellis Island, faking the elegance of a Taj Mahal
There’s Lady Liberty and the old Jersey Train Terminal
Manhattan, Brooklyn all ending right here
At l’il ‘ol Paulus Hook
A gentle breeze, warm and cooling blows in my face softly
And I think, yes this is the life I thought I’d live, but never visualized…
I’m a big believer in visions
Was it Stephen Covey that said
You are what you envision,
What you aim for
Is what you become?
Maybe it was Lee Iacocca…
Either ways, I’m a big believer
And yet, this is not a place I could’ve imagined for myself
Or given myself credit for
Not that it is to my credit that I live here -
One of life’s surprising rewards
For just... living it
One reads of such things
One dreams of living in a place that has a name
But no face
And then life takes you there
And you wonder, if you had envisioned this
Where then would you be today?
Is life meant to be lived contentedly?
The very possibility makes me feel like a guilty child;
Compulsive avarice for living as much as I can
Has overtaken me -
As if I were terminally ill
But then, if I sleep tonight, will I really wake up in the morning?
Aai, you set me on this path of aspirations
I know you did not intend to make it my addiction
But there it is, I am addicted to moving on
Living my life as if I were caught up in a storm
And flapping my hands wildly about
Was the only means to survival
Y’know, one day I found that I couldn’t run anymore -
My legs could carry on, but my lungs would forget to breathe
Until I stopped to think about it
And voila, I could run again
Is that what I need to do with my life?
Just remember to keep breathing?
Just remember to take a walk in the park?
And enjoy a smug smile privately
For another bright vision I had had
That brought me here?
(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Contentment
When did Rucha stop and let life take over? Is this what they call contentment? And this is something I aspired for? How did I get here?
Lets start from the beginning …
Date something April 2004 – Just broke up with the guy who came to be known as my biggest mistake. You’ve heard this before, but I’ll repeat it once more. He was the one in my wide-eyed dream for whom I left behind the land of opportunities and returned to the homeland. As all young women in love do, I had the fanciful hopes that once I let him catch up with his intended success, I would once again get back on my destined path. Foolish? Yes. But also quite daring, and very me! Around the same time as the break-up two parallel transformations occurred – the first was a wild, emotional single woman with a mission to overcome the pain and the world along with it. The second began despite the first – this was a woman who craved stability and the standard chosen path of ambition and family.
May 2005 – I married. The first became the second and the two tranformations merged to make a very boring adult me. And that, I am told is called contentment. The old Rucha would have called it “letting life take over”, but whatever, I am content aren’t I?
Content in getting ready to make babies and make a $100000 at the end of two years. Content is when I can put away a long held dream of having a Husky for a pet companion, because I may not have the time from my career and husband to raise a pup, since we are really focused on buying a home for those babies we want to make. Content is when all my Rucha-like impulses must be thwarted because they freak out my husband’s delicate balance regarding our economic standing – since we are supposed to be saving money and time towards that house and babies.
Alright I know I sound a tad cynical, and like I really hate my husband. Most days I love him quite passionately – especially when he goes against his nature to pick our cat’s poop (since I just fell asleep on the couch). But sometimes, I just want to chew him up and really leave him bleeding and mauled. Not quite the contentment one would expect from the boring adult me. There are some men, who just don’t have clarity. My husband is not one of those. But then there are those who lack imagination, entirely. And that is him in a nutshell.
Ok, so I am not entirely devoid of blame. But I know this worked with Nala, the cat and it made me think it might work with the Husky too. Also, I really shouldn’t have asked to play with this gorgeous 8-week old Husky pup, with the black markings around ice blue eyes! Oh that puppy smell! I know it sounds insane, but if any perfume maker ever bottled that smell and sold it, I would gladly bathe in it everyday!!! ☺ So here’s the perfect pup at the local pet store – the dream Husky dog. Couldn’t we just buy her? We’ll figure out how to reschedule our not very filled calendar around her a little bit? Couldn’t we pleeeeeeeeease? And the answer – “Well, if you have maade up your mind about it, then you’re not really interested in my opinion, so sure.”
Right, of course. Yes, of course lets take a day to think about it. (Good manoeuver – got me out of the store real quick). The scene shifted to the living room an hour after – so what do you think? “Well, the brochure from the pet store says we can’t leave the pup alone. I work 9 hours, even though I work from home. I mean I can take her out and all that, but you work away from home. What is your commitment to the pup?” My commitment? I don’t know, I’ll have to figure it out. I mean I took care of Nala, didn’t I? I’ll figure it out. “But Nala is no work at all. It says in this brochure that the pup needs to go to tha bathroom every 5 hours. That it should not be left alone.” Well, it won’t be alone. You’ll be here won’t you? “Oh, but that project in Philadelphia… I won’t be at home much then.” (The Philadelphia project has been an excuse for everything since it was signed over 6 months ago!!) Ok, maybe we can get a dog walker… a dog day care. “We can’t afford those!!” Do you know what they cost? “Umm… not really. But I’m sure they’re expensive.”
My memory fades a little at this point – but if you got around all the noise, I think the next couple of hours were really filled with name-calling, emotional breakdown (mostly mine), tantrums (again me), sarcasm (oh, he had some interesting things to say here!!) and overall not quite the picture of contentment.
I’m not saying there’s no sense in what he’s saying. But really, do you detect any ounce of imagination? A will to make it work? I think its because he’s content with status quo – after all, isn’t contentment always about a steady state? Might as well be a sloth! I think we almost are….
Lets start from the beginning …
Date something April 2004 – Just broke up with the guy who came to be known as my biggest mistake. You’ve heard this before, but I’ll repeat it once more. He was the one in my wide-eyed dream for whom I left behind the land of opportunities and returned to the homeland. As all young women in love do, I had the fanciful hopes that once I let him catch up with his intended success, I would once again get back on my destined path. Foolish? Yes. But also quite daring, and very me! Around the same time as the break-up two parallel transformations occurred – the first was a wild, emotional single woman with a mission to overcome the pain and the world along with it. The second began despite the first – this was a woman who craved stability and the standard chosen path of ambition and family.
May 2005 – I married. The first became the second and the two tranformations merged to make a very boring adult me. And that, I am told is called contentment. The old Rucha would have called it “letting life take over”, but whatever, I am content aren’t I?
Content in getting ready to make babies and make a $100000 at the end of two years. Content is when I can put away a long held dream of having a Husky for a pet companion, because I may not have the time from my career and husband to raise a pup, since we are really focused on buying a home for those babies we want to make. Content is when all my Rucha-like impulses must be thwarted because they freak out my husband’s delicate balance regarding our economic standing – since we are supposed to be saving money and time towards that house and babies.
Alright I know I sound a tad cynical, and like I really hate my husband. Most days I love him quite passionately – especially when he goes against his nature to pick our cat’s poop (since I just fell asleep on the couch). But sometimes, I just want to chew him up and really leave him bleeding and mauled. Not quite the contentment one would expect from the boring adult me. There are some men, who just don’t have clarity. My husband is not one of those. But then there are those who lack imagination, entirely. And that is him in a nutshell.
Ok, so I am not entirely devoid of blame. But I know this worked with Nala, the cat and it made me think it might work with the Husky too. Also, I really shouldn’t have asked to play with this gorgeous 8-week old Husky pup, with the black markings around ice blue eyes! Oh that puppy smell! I know it sounds insane, but if any perfume maker ever bottled that smell and sold it, I would gladly bathe in it everyday!!! ☺ So here’s the perfect pup at the local pet store – the dream Husky dog. Couldn’t we just buy her? We’ll figure out how to reschedule our not very filled calendar around her a little bit? Couldn’t we pleeeeeeeeease? And the answer – “Well, if you have maade up your mind about it, then you’re not really interested in my opinion, so sure.”
Right, of course. Yes, of course lets take a day to think about it. (Good manoeuver – got me out of the store real quick). The scene shifted to the living room an hour after – so what do you think? “Well, the brochure from the pet store says we can’t leave the pup alone. I work 9 hours, even though I work from home. I mean I can take her out and all that, but you work away from home. What is your commitment to the pup?” My commitment? I don’t know, I’ll have to figure it out. I mean I took care of Nala, didn’t I? I’ll figure it out. “But Nala is no work at all. It says in this brochure that the pup needs to go to tha bathroom every 5 hours. That it should not be left alone.” Well, it won’t be alone. You’ll be here won’t you? “Oh, but that project in Philadelphia… I won’t be at home much then.” (The Philadelphia project has been an excuse for everything since it was signed over 6 months ago!!) Ok, maybe we can get a dog walker… a dog day care. “We can’t afford those!!” Do you know what they cost? “Umm… not really. But I’m sure they’re expensive.”
My memory fades a little at this point – but if you got around all the noise, I think the next couple of hours were really filled with name-calling, emotional breakdown (mostly mine), tantrums (again me), sarcasm (oh, he had some interesting things to say here!!) and overall not quite the picture of contentment.
I’m not saying there’s no sense in what he’s saying. But really, do you detect any ounce of imagination? A will to make it work? I think its because he’s content with status quo – after all, isn’t contentment always about a steady state? Might as well be a sloth! I think we almost are….
Sunday, November 12, 2006
A very rough ride
No one said marriage was going to be easy. But what makes it so difficult?
What do you do – exactly how do you break the limbo when both involved believe in the superiority or worse still, righteousness of their own argument? Tough nut to crack that.
I don’t think we have quite broken out of that state of mind yet, where a woman’s in-laws are “now her family”, while the guy’s in-laws well, they are “her family”! What really raises my heckles is that every pot-shot taken at me is on account of reactiveness at one taken at him or his parents. Oh c'mon, get original will you? And if you think that's unfair, wait till you find out what I did to him!
At the end of the day though, is it all really worth it? Even marriage itself, is the momentary romance of “having found your soul mate” really worth losing your independence, your devil-may-care attitude towards life? And gaining of all that weight mind you? Why is it that a woman in a happy marriage puts on weight, while the man just becomes this attractively unavailable man with a gold band on his finger beckoning the Helen in all single women?
Oh I could rave and rant about all the ill marriage has done me. And it would take a while. But why then on most days does it feel like I finally got something right?
Beats me – all in all its just a very rough ride.
What do you do – exactly how do you break the limbo when both involved believe in the superiority or worse still, righteousness of their own argument? Tough nut to crack that.
I don’t think we have quite broken out of that state of mind yet, where a woman’s in-laws are “now her family”, while the guy’s in-laws well, they are “her family”! What really raises my heckles is that every pot-shot taken at me is on account of reactiveness at one taken at him or his parents. Oh c'mon, get original will you? And if you think that's unfair, wait till you find out what I did to him!
At the end of the day though, is it all really worth it? Even marriage itself, is the momentary romance of “having found your soul mate” really worth losing your independence, your devil-may-care attitude towards life? And gaining of all that weight mind you? Why is it that a woman in a happy marriage puts on weight, while the man just becomes this attractively unavailable man with a gold band on his finger beckoning the Helen in all single women?
Oh I could rave and rant about all the ill marriage has done me. And it would take a while. But why then on most days does it feel like I finally got something right?
Beats me – all in all its just a very rough ride.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Et Tu, Zizou??!
World Cup weighs heavy on the minds of all soccer fans today - and I mourn alongwith countless other French team fans.
To me Zizou has been a study in leadership and skill - especially since the 1998 World Cup that France won. I like watching sports and I always seem to pick a level-headed, rather colorless but highly skilled player for a favorite. Zizou being one of those. Of course, I wonder alongside millions of fans about what could've provoked him to throw away a chance to be a worshipped god-like figure post-retirement with that head butt. But I think the bigger question is - what happens next for Zizou? For the most part am sure its just going to be an interesting few months or a year for him and then right back on track. He's far too talented!
One point I'd like to make here - Zizou has made no statements about the comment from Materazzi that made him lose his cool, he's not going to play the blame game. I think that's good 'ol Zizou for all of us.
Besides... even heroes have the right to bleed.
To me Zizou has been a study in leadership and skill - especially since the 1998 World Cup that France won. I like watching sports and I always seem to pick a level-headed, rather colorless but highly skilled player for a favorite. Zizou being one of those. Of course, I wonder alongside millions of fans about what could've provoked him to throw away a chance to be a worshipped god-like figure post-retirement with that head butt. But I think the bigger question is - what happens next for Zizou? For the most part am sure its just going to be an interesting few months or a year for him and then right back on track. He's far too talented!
One point I'd like to make here - Zizou has made no statements about the comment from Materazzi that made him lose his cool, he's not going to play the blame game. I think that's good 'ol Zizou for all of us.
Besides... even heroes have the right to bleed.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Married Indian women can't have a life...
Might hurt a few people mentioning this - but if they could look outside the "I", what a perfect study in human interaction some of my recent conversations with male friends would make!!
Here I am, married, settled - and immediately off the market. Well, of course I am - I am off the marriage market, just didn't think that was inclusive of "long interesting conversations with male friends". Now don't get me wrong, I love my sweetheart of a husband to death... but wait, does that mean I AM dead??
Let me back-track a bit. If you've ever read my blog before, you'll see my slow progression from singlehood to wedded life. It wasn't an easy road. But down that path, in my exploits, I met some amazing people, interacted with an interesting lot. Most of whom I connected with via my self-expression, my "vedicverses". There was one such interaction that started just before I met and married my soulmate. It started off well, through a couple of long emails, seemed to be going into the interesting realm of philosophy and debate... and then one day, I posted on my blog my happy tale of sudden and mind-blowing wedlock. The next day onwards, the emails trickled down to one, maybe two lines. I remember smiling wryly in my mind, and putting it away into that one little compartment in my head where I stuff all the ruddy memories of my life. But sometimes, things come back to you, and you wonder... "nothing really changes ever, does it?"
Growing up in a school where I never fit in, I tried making friends with some who just saw me as an eccentric gal with crazy ideas or a target for adolescent passions. Either ways, it meant ostracization for me - adolescence can be cruel, do you remember? I still can't bring myself to interact with that "yahoo group"... can never help being afraid of those unspoken judgements, being paranoid that someone is snickering, waiting for me to stumble and make a fool of myself. I grew up to meet some of that lot, who felt equally ostracized or alone in their school years, and yet when the time came to be different, turns out they were just the same born in the same flesh mirroring all they despised.
That's what makes us alone, doesn't it? The neediness, the dire craving to fit in?
For all my eccentricity, I am but an Indian married woman at the end of the day. Someone you can't debate with, discuss philosophies with... someone who just stepped over that threshold to a place where women can't have a life. Oh well, like I always say - C'est La Vie :)
Here I am, married, settled - and immediately off the market. Well, of course I am - I am off the marriage market, just didn't think that was inclusive of "long interesting conversations with male friends". Now don't get me wrong, I love my sweetheart of a husband to death... but wait, does that mean I AM dead??
Let me back-track a bit. If you've ever read my blog before, you'll see my slow progression from singlehood to wedded life. It wasn't an easy road. But down that path, in my exploits, I met some amazing people, interacted with an interesting lot. Most of whom I connected with via my self-expression, my "vedicverses". There was one such interaction that started just before I met and married my soulmate. It started off well, through a couple of long emails, seemed to be going into the interesting realm of philosophy and debate... and then one day, I posted on my blog my happy tale of sudden and mind-blowing wedlock. The next day onwards, the emails trickled down to one, maybe two lines. I remember smiling wryly in my mind, and putting it away into that one little compartment in my head where I stuff all the ruddy memories of my life. But sometimes, things come back to you, and you wonder... "nothing really changes ever, does it?"
Growing up in a school where I never fit in, I tried making friends with some who just saw me as an eccentric gal with crazy ideas or a target for adolescent passions. Either ways, it meant ostracization for me - adolescence can be cruel, do you remember? I still can't bring myself to interact with that "yahoo group"... can never help being afraid of those unspoken judgements, being paranoid that someone is snickering, waiting for me to stumble and make a fool of myself. I grew up to meet some of that lot, who felt equally ostracized or alone in their school years, and yet when the time came to be different, turns out they were just the same born in the same flesh mirroring all they despised.
That's what makes us alone, doesn't it? The neediness, the dire craving to fit in?
For all my eccentricity, I am but an Indian married woman at the end of the day. Someone you can't debate with, discuss philosophies with... someone who just stepped over that threshold to a place where women can't have a life. Oh well, like I always say - C'est La Vie :)
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Poem: Alone
A firefly lights a spot
Two can light the same only brighter still;
Hope can float on little wings or
Glide us by,
Its but a matter of will
A star will sparkle in a darkened sky
Another one needn't be by
Yet a speckled dusting of glitter turns
A horror into a lullaby
A swanling swims in a swampy pool
Scorned and mocked by the duckling school
Until a honking white flock gathers near
Taking Ugly to the azure too
Why then are we not comforted?
Why then does alone prevail?
(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)
Two can light the same only brighter still;
Hope can float on little wings or
Glide us by,
Its but a matter of will
A star will sparkle in a darkened sky
Another one needn't be by
Yet a speckled dusting of glitter turns
A horror into a lullaby
A swanling swims in a swampy pool
Scorned and mocked by the duckling school
Until a honking white flock gathers near
Taking Ugly to the azure too
Why then are we not comforted?
Why then does alone prevail?
(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)
Friday, April 28, 2006
Movers? No Pizza for you
Don't ask me why... let me just say that the experience of having offered... well, stinks! :)
We're all moved in, still a bunch of unpacked boxes lying around. But it finally feels like home. And despite the apparent lack of interest men show in all things domestic, its just a big old sham! My husband loves the place, stares out all windows admiring the view, and missed the old place all of ONE minute! :)
Ok, I have a confession to make. I lost my temper rather viciously with him for a very small reason... and I feel very very bad for it. I may blame it on tiredness, and I was VERY tired too. But to be, well, honest, I think it was just a case of "Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely." Yep, in a-Snowball-of-George-Orwell-fame-way.
It happened like this: As the day wore on, I found my better half (I'll give you that only this time mind) depending more and more on me for all the decision-making. I felt powerful, and in the absence of sugar (chocolate), power rushed to my head. Fueled by "The Find" - a plastic bag filled with garbage, neatly stashed in one of the boxes packed by the perpetrator (my husband, for clarification, in case the story so far has befuddled your brains) - my rage came as a complete surprise to the poor, unsuspecting humanoid from Mars!
Oh come on! I feel bad enough. I definitely am owed a lousy excuse to be a steam kettle for all that hard work I put in! Aren't I??
We're all moved in, still a bunch of unpacked boxes lying around. But it finally feels like home. And despite the apparent lack of interest men show in all things domestic, its just a big old sham! My husband loves the place, stares out all windows admiring the view, and missed the old place all of ONE minute! :)
Ok, I have a confession to make. I lost my temper rather viciously with him for a very small reason... and I feel very very bad for it. I may blame it on tiredness, and I was VERY tired too. But to be, well, honest, I think it was just a case of "Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely." Yep, in a-Snowball-of-George-Orwell-fame-way.
It happened like this: As the day wore on, I found my better half (I'll give you that only this time mind) depending more and more on me for all the decision-making. I felt powerful, and in the absence of sugar (chocolate), power rushed to my head. Fueled by "The Find" - a plastic bag filled with garbage, neatly stashed in one of the boxes packed by the perpetrator (my husband, for clarification, in case the story so far has befuddled your brains) - my rage came as a complete surprise to the poor, unsuspecting humanoid from Mars!
Oh come on! I feel bad enough. I definitely am owed a lousy excuse to be a steam kettle for all that hard work I put in! Aren't I??
Sunday, April 23, 2006
God and moving apartments
Alrite you got me... they really haven't got much to do with each other except for the fact that thinking about both is scheduled for me this week for completion by the weekend! :)
One's a theme for a read meet and the other an actual task...
Moving on: using my blog today as an excuse to e-ink with my new shiny apple laptop, my very first mac!! my candid exprience till date? I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!! :)
Good to know that apple is going the mass consumer way... for us lesser beings who are officially non-geeky and fat but still would love to be seen alongside a beautiful and slender Mac! (Yes I am smitten, can you tell??)
Except for the battery life no complaints so far.
Also the next beautiful thing scheduled for me is my new apartment... a dream home on lease for a year... we pay our entire salary towards the rent, but that's something I'd rather not admit to in public :D So this beauty of an apartment is right by the marina (I told my niece we can go fishing in our balcony next weekend, you can join us if you like!) and has a gorgeous view of the Lady Liberty. Ok so we'll probably enjoy the apartment for all of three spectacular summer months and then get grouchy about it all of winter (which equates to about 3/4ths of a year!) - not so much cos its unbearably cold (its not really) but cos I'll have howling windows by the bedroom window, and you know what howling winds can do to my alien invasion nightmares... yes, they just add the sound track to those little movie clips of my imagination. And being the-evil-breaker-of-neighboring-arms-while-watching-scary-movies-through-fingerly-gaps that I am, its really not cool :)
And yes the God thing, well its just that I have to write something around that topic for this meet thingie I have scheduled. I really hate the person who set me up for this... wait a minute, wasn't that person me?
Ok my new year's resolution, not to set myself up for things I know I will procrastinate doing. Now all I have to do is wait for December 31st to make it (the resolution)! :)
One's a theme for a read meet and the other an actual task...
Moving on: using my blog today as an excuse to e-ink with my new shiny apple laptop, my very first mac!! my candid exprience till date? I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!! :)
Good to know that apple is going the mass consumer way... for us lesser beings who are officially non-geeky and fat but still would love to be seen alongside a beautiful and slender Mac! (Yes I am smitten, can you tell??)
Except for the battery life no complaints so far.
Also the next beautiful thing scheduled for me is my new apartment... a dream home on lease for a year... we pay our entire salary towards the rent, but that's something I'd rather not admit to in public :D So this beauty of an apartment is right by the marina (I told my niece we can go fishing in our balcony next weekend, you can join us if you like!) and has a gorgeous view of the Lady Liberty. Ok so we'll probably enjoy the apartment for all of three spectacular summer months and then get grouchy about it all of winter (which equates to about 3/4ths of a year!) - not so much cos its unbearably cold (its not really) but cos I'll have howling windows by the bedroom window, and you know what howling winds can do to my alien invasion nightmares... yes, they just add the sound track to those little movie clips of my imagination. And being the-evil-breaker-of-neighboring-arms-while-watching-scary-movies-through-fingerly-gaps that I am, its really not cool :)
And yes the God thing, well its just that I have to write something around that topic for this meet thingie I have scheduled. I really hate the person who set me up for this... wait a minute, wasn't that person me?
Ok my new year's resolution, not to set myself up for things I know I will procrastinate doing. Now all I have to do is wait for December 31st to make it (the resolution)! :)
Monday, March 13, 2006
One-night stand
morning comes
she stands akimbo
spewing wrath
at the mere hint
of weakness
in all aplomb
yet in limbo
for her free path
is strewn with the lint
of amorousness
her heart's aflutter
it spies an angel
amidst blissful snores
morning breath
smelly farts et al
the love-laced clutter
of her mind is in danger
as her spirit soars
in a lustful spate
only to fall
a welcome quagmire
beckons and embraces
sucking her in
to notorious places
after all she thinks
freedom is lackluster
until it goads
fettered passion to fester
(c) VedicVerses
she stands akimbo
spewing wrath
at the mere hint
of weakness
in all aplomb
yet in limbo
for her free path
is strewn with the lint
of amorousness
her heart's aflutter
it spies an angel
amidst blissful snores
morning breath
smelly farts et al
the love-laced clutter
of her mind is in danger
as her spirit soars
in a lustful spate
only to fall
a welcome quagmire
beckons and embraces
sucking her in
to notorious places
after all she thinks
freedom is lackluster
until it goads
fettered passion to fester
(c) VedicVerses
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Feminism defeated?
March 7, 2006
Today – a day before the internationally celebrated International Women’s Day – is one of those many days when my highly opinionated feminist ideas of living are conveniently forgotten, for I want to chuck them aside for a moment just to look like the women at the Oscars. A Jessica Alba body would be nice, but then it may just be easier for me to achieve a Salma Hayek perhaps.
Its not so much about the lost cause of feminism as it is about the alarming rate at which one seems to put on weight in this god forsaken country!! So honestly, yeah you can't blame a country for my current size (I am almost the size of a country now) but I blame Coke... they lied. Diet Coke is not a supplement you can depend on when you're trying to go on a crash diet!
So I had to make the hardest decision of my life today - I must stop drinking coke, and begin to drink water when I'm thirsty as my forefathers did before my time!
P.S: Tea with three sugars and 2 creams is OK. After all baby steps is where its at!
Today – a day before the internationally celebrated International Women’s Day – is one of those many days when my highly opinionated feminist ideas of living are conveniently forgotten, for I want to chuck them aside for a moment just to look like the women at the Oscars. A Jessica Alba body would be nice, but then it may just be easier for me to achieve a Salma Hayek perhaps.
Its not so much about the lost cause of feminism as it is about the alarming rate at which one seems to put on weight in this god forsaken country!! So honestly, yeah you can't blame a country for my current size (I am almost the size of a country now) but I blame Coke... they lied. Diet Coke is not a supplement you can depend on when you're trying to go on a crash diet!
So I had to make the hardest decision of my life today - I must stop drinking coke, and begin to drink water when I'm thirsty as my forefathers did before my time!
P.S: Tea with three sugars and 2 creams is OK. After all baby steps is where its at!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Home of my dreams
Typical human discontent, this couldn't be.
Everytime friends discuss buying a home, the options, the towns, the choices - my mind stops working, and I give a little sub-conscious shudder. Make a home here? Oh God NO! "But why not?" friends ask, "Don't you like New Jersey?" Well, of course the answer is no. No, I don't like New Jersey. But its not just that. This just doesn't feel like home... just doesn't feel like I could be Queen of my castle here, in this huge land of big opportunities.
Am I like Jhumpa's Ashima and Ashoke, just another first generation immigrant, who feels it her duty to be in touch with all things Indian? My mother would laugh at the mere idea... I stayed away from all things Indian even in India... Nothing in New Jersey could inspire me to pursue that path!
Move to another state perhaps? The mere thought is frightening. Not big into social gatherings, but I love my daily portions of people. The complete lack of it would render my mind, emotions, senses useless. Things were different when I was in Buffalo... I was studying at the University then, that's a whole different eco-system that you can never get over, regardless of what country you're in. But now, it would be impossible to move elsewhere. Elsewhere where there are no avenues open to meet people like in New York City...
I think the matter is quite simply stated - home is where the heart is. My heart is still in Nasik... I'll complain, hate it most days, but nothing can replace it... I'll always miss home... perhaps return to it someday when I've had enough of my "real-world" adventures...
Here's one for the motherland :)
Home of my dreams
I break into a cold sweat
At a lingering thread
Of a dream
Falling, weightless
Into the darkness -
In a short, abrupt scream
What of this fear?
Me, I walked away
From a place dearly loved
In search of a home
For my aspirations;
Anchored instead to a hostile cove
Perhaps, off-course,
But now my ship has sailed
Into an obscuring fog -
A warm blanket -
Whilst livid waves yip at its sides
Like an unfriendly dog:
My first mate at my side
He and I sealed our fate
To ride this storm together;
But the comfort it gives
Is dwindling; Will the warmth remain
After years of this dank weather?
Yes, I've walked away
From a place I loved:
Wine country, undiscovered
Little knolls, and tall grass;
In my backyard we loafed -
Me and my dogs, untethered
My head in their laps
Eyes on the blue clouds
Dreaming up a life
Of free choices, of travel
Hippie-dom, of being chic
Far from bourgeois strife
Yet in a blink my ship has sailed
There's no looking back:
Strangely bridled in my free rein
Unspoken, then cacophonic
Unclear, then vivid
Boundaries forever spring
Lying hopefulness
Of a lost childhood
No longer protects but stings
Truth sometimes bitter
Mostly bland, that once was
Pictured exciting
All this and then some
Part misgivings, part fear:
In their wake, wildly clutching
Frail gossamer strands
Of fragile childish wishes -
Made on falling stars, in evening skies -
For a home just like this one
Somewhere in Neverland.
As evening comes
Yapping pups and I
Return to a home once loved:
As the doors shut
I fall weightless into darkness
Jerk awake, back to my groove
(c) VedicVerses
Everytime friends discuss buying a home, the options, the towns, the choices - my mind stops working, and I give a little sub-conscious shudder. Make a home here? Oh God NO! "But why not?" friends ask, "Don't you like New Jersey?" Well, of course the answer is no. No, I don't like New Jersey. But its not just that. This just doesn't feel like home... just doesn't feel like I could be Queen of my castle here, in this huge land of big opportunities.
Am I like Jhumpa's Ashima and Ashoke, just another first generation immigrant, who feels it her duty to be in touch with all things Indian? My mother would laugh at the mere idea... I stayed away from all things Indian even in India... Nothing in New Jersey could inspire me to pursue that path!
Move to another state perhaps? The mere thought is frightening. Not big into social gatherings, but I love my daily portions of people. The complete lack of it would render my mind, emotions, senses useless. Things were different when I was in Buffalo... I was studying at the University then, that's a whole different eco-system that you can never get over, regardless of what country you're in. But now, it would be impossible to move elsewhere. Elsewhere where there are no avenues open to meet people like in New York City...
I think the matter is quite simply stated - home is where the heart is. My heart is still in Nasik... I'll complain, hate it most days, but nothing can replace it... I'll always miss home... perhaps return to it someday when I've had enough of my "real-world" adventures...
Here's one for the motherland :)
Home of my dreams
I break into a cold sweat
At a lingering thread
Of a dream
Falling, weightless
Into the darkness -
In a short, abrupt scream
What of this fear?
Me, I walked away
From a place dearly loved
In search of a home
For my aspirations;
Anchored instead to a hostile cove
Perhaps, off-course,
But now my ship has sailed
Into an obscuring fog -
A warm blanket -
Whilst livid waves yip at its sides
Like an unfriendly dog:
My first mate at my side
He and I sealed our fate
To ride this storm together;
But the comfort it gives
Is dwindling; Will the warmth remain
After years of this dank weather?
Yes, I've walked away
From a place I loved:
Wine country, undiscovered
Little knolls, and tall grass;
In my backyard we loafed -
Me and my dogs, untethered
My head in their laps
Eyes on the blue clouds
Dreaming up a life
Of free choices, of travel
Hippie-dom, of being chic
Far from bourgeois strife
Yet in a blink my ship has sailed
There's no looking back:
Strangely bridled in my free rein
Unspoken, then cacophonic
Unclear, then vivid
Boundaries forever spring
Lying hopefulness
Of a lost childhood
No longer protects but stings
Truth sometimes bitter
Mostly bland, that once was
Pictured exciting
All this and then some
Part misgivings, part fear:
In their wake, wildly clutching
Frail gossamer strands
Of fragile childish wishes -
Made on falling stars, in evening skies -
For a home just like this one
Somewhere in Neverland.
As evening comes
Yapping pups and I
Return to a home once loved:
As the doors shut
I fall weightless into darkness
Jerk awake, back to my groove
(c) VedicVerses
Monday, January 23, 2006
For Whom the Bell Tolls
Yet another tragic love affair
Began with a notably dignified air.
Amorous friends, I've made a few
Romantic tales painted grey-blue
Each one told avec savoir-faire!
Years have passed since puberty
All friends look to lose their liberty
Nuptial news float through my little town
Match-makers all too many abound
Anxious matriarchs swap ideas at the Rotary.
Winters are cool in this tropical place
Perfect setting for all that wedding lace
At dusk the elders gather for a collective swig
They feast, they sing, dance an inelegant jig
As the newly-weds swing to a different pace.
I share in their joys virtually
Slouching by a 17" screen
As the celebrations wind down
And seeds of future dreams are sown
I settle into a fleeting melancholy.
Life goes on for each new couple made
Soon out of touch with the class of '98
Is that the outlook?
Not a single pal off the hook?
From youthfulness to an aged jade?
In a corner all sulky and blue
Surfing sitcoms where friends are true
A gentle arm reaches out
Cuddles me as I pout -
Just one of those doldrums he often sees me through.
(c) VedicVerses
Began with a notably dignified air.
Amorous friends, I've made a few
Romantic tales painted grey-blue
Each one told avec savoir-faire!
Years have passed since puberty
All friends look to lose their liberty
Nuptial news float through my little town
Match-makers all too many abound
Anxious matriarchs swap ideas at the Rotary.
Winters are cool in this tropical place
Perfect setting for all that wedding lace
At dusk the elders gather for a collective swig
They feast, they sing, dance an inelegant jig
As the newly-weds swing to a different pace.
I share in their joys virtually
Slouching by a 17" screen
As the celebrations wind down
And seeds of future dreams are sown
I settle into a fleeting melancholy.
Life goes on for each new couple made
Soon out of touch with the class of '98
Is that the outlook?
Not a single pal off the hook?
From youthfulness to an aged jade?
In a corner all sulky and blue
Surfing sitcoms where friends are true
A gentle arm reaches out
Cuddles me as I pout -
Just one of those doldrums he often sees me through.
(c) VedicVerses
Friday, December 30, 2005
At the Shelter (For Saturn)
Condescending smile
Devil-may-care strut
The hint of a child
Yet a mere mutt!
Fiendish lips twisted
In affected cruelty
Blue eyes suspended
In frozen vulnerability
She tossed her scanty mane
Perked her ravaged ear
Sniffed, unheeded she blew
Warmth into the cold air
"Love someone will ya", she
Whispered into a restrained soul
Slipped her back into her cage
Poured some treats into her bowl
There were things to do
Not much time to do them
But the smile lingered a while
To have gone just that much farther then
Wounds left scars
Neither could heal
But to begin a day thus
Was the best cut deal!
(c) VedicVerses
Devil-may-care strut
The hint of a child
Yet a mere mutt!
Fiendish lips twisted
In affected cruelty
Blue eyes suspended
In frozen vulnerability
She tossed her scanty mane
Perked her ravaged ear
Sniffed, unheeded she blew
Warmth into the cold air
"Love someone will ya", she
Whispered into a restrained soul
Slipped her back into her cage
Poured some treats into her bowl
There were things to do
Not much time to do them
But the smile lingered a while
To have gone just that much farther then
Wounds left scars
Neither could heal
But to begin a day thus
Was the best cut deal!
(c) VedicVerses
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Saturn - The Dog that was almost ours!!
Gosh! What a coupla days!!! Here's the lovable little Siberian Husky, who's got the spirit of a pup inside an adult dog body!!!
She's found someone who will foster her!! And am so glad... losing her would have been criminal of me!
Here's to you gal! Hope our paths cross again :)
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Don't Quit - anonymous?
Something I read on a Writer's network reminded me of a poem I had heard long ago called "Don't Quit". Its an inspirational piece and very uplifting at that. But when I researched it today, I was surprised to find that it is not universally accepted as a poem written by someone anonymous... wonder what the truth is...
Anyhow, I still love the poem today and wanted to post it to this blog so I never forget the words again. Enjoy!
Don't Quit
When things go wrong
As they sometimes will
And the road you're trudging
Seems all uphill
When the funds are low
And the debts are high
And you want to smile
But you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you
Down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!
Life is queer
With its twists and turns
As everyone of us
Sometimes learns
And many a failure
Turns about
When he might have won
Had he stuck it out
Don't give up
Though the pace seems slow
You may succeed
With another blow.
Often the goal is
Nearer than
It seems to a faint
And faltering man
Often the struggler
Has given up
When they might have captured
The Victor's Cup
And they learned too late
When the night came down
How close they were
To the golden crown.
Success is failure
Turned inside out
The silver tint
Of the clouds of doubt
And you can never tell
How close you are
It may be near
Though it seems so far
So stick to the fight
When you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst
That you musn't quit.
- Anonymous :)
Anyhow, I still love the poem today and wanted to post it to this blog so I never forget the words again. Enjoy!
Don't Quit
When things go wrong
As they sometimes will
And the road you're trudging
Seems all uphill
When the funds are low
And the debts are high
And you want to smile
But you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you
Down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!
Life is queer
With its twists and turns
As everyone of us
Sometimes learns
And many a failure
Turns about
When he might have won
Had he stuck it out
Don't give up
Though the pace seems slow
You may succeed
With another blow.
Often the goal is
Nearer than
It seems to a faint
And faltering man
Often the struggler
Has given up
When they might have captured
The Victor's Cup
And they learned too late
When the night came down
How close they were
To the golden crown.
Success is failure
Turned inside out
The silver tint
Of the clouds of doubt
And you can never tell
How close you are
It may be near
Though it seems so far
So stick to the fight
When you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worst
That you musn't quit.
- Anonymous :)
Monday, December 05, 2005
Poem: Requiem
I could sing you
A melody
Blow softly
On your brow,
Whisper
A euphony
Nestle kisses
Sweet and slow;
Seduce you with
A ritornelle
Play mischief
With looks!
...and here in the
Citadel
Sing hymns
From the books.
You could sing me
A ballad
Then lie by my
Side,
Cradled, hear my
Lullaby
Float gently on
The night.
In this courtyard
Of cold memories
I've long learnt
To dread,
Weeping softly
By an elegy
I mourn a requiem
Instead.
** The picture is called "Contemplating" and was taken by Ashish Gorde who kindly lent it to me for posting to this blog. This poem was written for an exercise and inspired by this photograph.
A melody
Blow softly
On your brow,
Whisper
A euphony
Nestle kisses
Sweet and slow;
Seduce you with
A ritornelle
Play mischief
With looks!
...and here in the
Citadel
Sing hymns
From the books.
You could sing me
A ballad
Then lie by my
Side,
Cradled, hear my
Lullaby
Float gently on
The night.
In this courtyard
Of cold memories
I've long learnt
To dread,
Weeping softly
By an elegy
I mourn a requiem
Instead.
** The picture is called "Contemplating" and was taken by Ashish Gorde who kindly lent it to me for posting to this blog. This poem was written for an exercise and inspired by this photograph.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Quotable Quotes :)
Here are some really nice pieces of quotes that became my friends over time :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Origin: The Lord of the Rings
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owner: Brendan Gill (journalist)
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Origin: The Lord of the Rings
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owner: Brendan Gill (journalist)
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, November 14, 2005
An ode to my love - No One to Come Home to
I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer hums
As I unwind
A bourgeois living
In a banal shell
A lifeless stirring
The soul's pell-mell
A vow thus broken
The tryst no more binds
A commonplace death
Of selfhood unconfined
Tender and effete
All but a slave
Just a tissue within
A withered enclave
A hollow now, where
A heart once dwelled
A lifeless stirring
And the soul's pell-mell
I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer turns
As I unwind
(c) VedicVerses
Of the domestic kind
The dryer hums
As I unwind
A bourgeois living
In a banal shell
A lifeless stirring
The soul's pell-mell
A vow thus broken
The tryst no more binds
A commonplace death
Of selfhood unconfined
Tender and effete
All but a slave
Just a tissue within
A withered enclave
A hollow now, where
A heart once dwelled
A lifeless stirring
And the soul's pell-mell
I sit in silence
Of the domestic kind
The dryer turns
As I unwind
(c) VedicVerses
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Fable - Third World and The Yokel
Success at last!!
After a gruelling three hours of disciplinary action against my creative block, here's the outcome :) Not much considering the effort it required, but hey, its a respectably decent beginning!
Once there was, this third world place
Of crowded streets, little food and many a face.
A software town - home of the wicked and wise,
Outsourced jobs et al - the kind the First World despised.
'Twas here she lived , an ambitious yokel
Protagonist, an atheist - star of this fable.
Prepped for a job, she joined the workforce
Of a start-up firm - IT services of course!
And so her quest began; project-on-site her goal
Equivalent to, a frenzied spell at her console.
She IMed and worked, and then IMed some more.
Volunteered, networked, made friends galore.
Even then found the time to pine and to yearn
For all things in the First World she was yet to learn.
Finally, a smiling Karma and six months after
Found our yokel headed for the good 'ol Nor'Easter.
With arms wide open, for long the West had beckoned
Yet the charm wore out, sooner than she had reckoned!
Amidst cooking fumes and curries of lunch for the morrow
Our yokel pined again for her old home in sorrow.
N'er a happy ending is there to this tale
For the heart wants what it wants, regardless of locale!
Viva Globalization!
(c) VedicVerses
After a gruelling three hours of disciplinary action against my creative block, here's the outcome :) Not much considering the effort it required, but hey, its a respectably decent beginning!
Once there was, this third world place
Of crowded streets, little food and many a face.
A software town - home of the wicked and wise,
Outsourced jobs et al - the kind the First World despised.
'Twas here she lived , an ambitious yokel
Protagonist, an atheist - star of this fable.
Prepped for a job, she joined the workforce
Of a start-up firm - IT services of course!
And so her quest began; project-on-site her goal
Equivalent to, a frenzied spell at her console.
She IMed and worked, and then IMed some more.
Volunteered, networked, made friends galore.
Even then found the time to pine and to yearn
For all things in the First World she was yet to learn.
Finally, a smiling Karma and six months after
Found our yokel headed for the good 'ol Nor'Easter.
With arms wide open, for long the West had beckoned
Yet the charm wore out, sooner than she had reckoned!
Amidst cooking fumes and curries of lunch for the morrow
Our yokel pined again for her old home in sorrow.
N'er a happy ending is there to this tale
For the heart wants what it wants, regardless of locale!
Viva Globalization!
(c) VedicVerses
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