Friday, November 12, 2010

Poem: The heart is so heavy

The heart is so heavy
Burdened, defeated
Self-esteem teetering
Between self mockery and self pride

Could I have been so wrong
About my contributions
Or lack thereof?
Do I really qualify as a pompous
Hollow shell of a person?
I thought I had substance
I thought I add value
I do still have those fleeting moments
Of self belief
But if results are all that matter
Which I was raised to believe also
Then I must not be 
That person that I see 
With my mind's eye

The heart is so heavy
So steeped in self pity
The invites are out
Sent to all corners of my mind
For a pity party I organized
Just for myself

How do I measure
What gauge to use?
This constant feeling of being under appreciated
The whole world couldn't be so wrong
It must be me, my perspective
Feel like I'm floating in some sort of matrix
Of antonymous/synonymous views of myself

Maybe its just a lesson learned
Why shouldn't I fail sometimes
Me, someone who's got everything anyone could want
Why shouldn't I fail sometimes
Maybe its just a lesson learned

Most lessons are a journey
You think back to this time
And you feel proud
For getting over that hump
Will I feel proud in the future
Or will I still agonize over being a failure?

Glimpses of the other guy's perspective steal into view
But why should I empathize? Does he empathize with me?
Maybe he has it worse, but still
Defriending on FB is my only escape from the hurt
From this desolation

I know I'll move on and never look back
But I'm too old now to writhe in such pain
And survive unscarred and un-embittered
(c) VedicVerses (Rucha Gokhale)

No comments: